Medicine Cabinet January 31, 2010

We looked everywhere for a medicine cabinet when we were getting started.  Finally we ended up using a locking cabinet for keys & $ that we got from a local office supply store.  But it didn’t have any shelves, so it was laying flat & the medicines would sometimes leak & it would get so messy, hard to find things….finally, we found this at IKEA!! yet again, IKEA comes to the rescue w/ an inexpensive & highly functional item!  So if you are like us, & don’t have a cabinet that already has a lock on it, check this out!! (& actually we got 2 for some reason, so have 1 we would happily sell you if you need it!)

ÄTRAN Lockable cabinet

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color: white

Price reflects the options selected above $19.99

cool resource January 28, 2010

A friend told me about this ministry years ago & I’ve skimmed the site, but hope to really spend some time on it tonight.

A church in Irving, Texas (Irving Bible Church) has an amazing ministry called Tapestry.  It’s for foster families, adopting families, etc.  there are videos, links, articles, etc! click here:Tapestry & it’ll take you to their site!

I’ll pass on any other resources I find! & I think I”ll put this in the sidebar!

ml

Sometimes while we’re waiting… January 26, 2010

Sometimes while we’re waiting for/in between placements I get antsy.  I know I just said in a post last night that I feel content. & I really do! But I’m a daydreamer, so my  mind starts wandering! I think of international adoption, & start googling it, then I start googling other types of adoptions or even looking at other agencies! & Each time I feel a quiet voice telling me to sit still. Yes, sadly there are kids in orphanages around the world, but He called us to foster to adopt.  So I must wait.  & each time I hear his voice it comes with a wonderful settled feeling that we are doing what He called us to do, so I must wait.  Patiently.  Actually twice we have been literally about to sign the papers to switch our licensing…then we get a placement call from our agency.  Talk about a sign!

Content January 25, 2010

The other day a sweet friend from church asked me what she could pray for me about.  It’s not that there’s just nothing in my life to pray about, but I couldn’t think of anything. I honestly feel rather content right now.  Tomorrow it will have been 4 weeks since we got back on the fostering list.  We haven’t received any calls at all.  & I don’t feel anxious, upset, etc…I feel content.  I’ve seen how God has used this time in great ways.  No, I haven’t done those big projects that I want to do, but somehow seem to avoid every day (cleaning out the attic, sewing up some smocked things, painting our buffet…etc) BUT I have been available to help out more friends lately than I have in years.  Today we brought home a friend’s toddler bc she woke up sick (the toddler) & they had a major family wedding that day.  I LOVE being able to just say “Let me help! right now!”  When we’re fostering I can’t do that.  well, maybe I can now that we’re just taking 1 at a time, but for sure the last 18 months I haven’t been able to do that.  & it is such a joy for me!

I probably mentioned this in a previous post.. (I will most likely repeat myself many times in this blog…I have no brain anymore since having children!)..but we really try to keep our schedule open.  It’s difficult in this “super busy-super woman-soccer mom world”…but it’s a BIG priority for our family.  (It is a bit easier for us as our children aren’t athletic & don’t have much desire to do any extra curricular activities…until we’re old enough for Science club…that I”m sure we’ll be highly involved in! My big man wants to be a bomb scientist in the military when he grows up! made the pediatrician snicker when he said that at his yearly check up last week.  Yup, Mr. in the 15% wants to be in the military. lol!)

ANYWAYS…

our schedule—we try to keep as open & flexible as possible so that we can help/serve.  So if I ask if I can help you…I mean it!! I won’t offer if I can’t!

Contentment—I KNOW that God has really changed me a lot in this last 2 months.  Yes, part of my change has been due to circumstantial/environmental changes, but I feel a deep down change.  Praise the Lord!!  The Bible Study I’ve been doing (Beth Moore’s “Stepping Up”) has been exactly what I need almost every time I open it.  It was not the study I went to Lifeway to buy…but it’s what I felt led to get.  Amazing.

This week my schedule is pretty open!  So I’ll aim to get some of those big things knocked of the list…but am hoping that we’ll get a placement!!!

Back on the list January 4, 2010

Well we’ve officially had over a month break. It was so good!! The house & several things in my/our family life are all back in order.  I’ve been enjoying going to the gym 5 or so days a week, am LOVING my Beth Moore study (Stepping Up—the Psalms of the Ascent).  It’s been hitting me exactly where I am.  Spent some time playing Wii with the kids & took a trip to visit Robbie’s family in South Carolina for Christmas!

Last Monday I called our agency & told them we’re ready to go!! They have yet to call, but usually during holidays the placements slow down,except for super emergency placements. & It really has been good to have this week of the kids home from school with just us.  Although I’m fine with waiting on God’s perfect timing, I’m hoping the phone rings tomorrow morning!  Tonight at dinner I said something about maybe getting a baby this week & the kids started cheering! they both want a newborn.    Well, except when we have our little 17 month old friend over, then they want us to get a toddler. Oh yes, & sometimes my daughter begs for us to foster teenagers…..HA! umm….no.  nothing against you teenagers, but I have not parented a teenager yet & will admit that I’m pretty much intimidated by anyone over, oh, 8?!

So our new boundaries on what type of placements we’ll take are:

• 0-24 months (I told them I can’t take anything over that…we really want to keep a 4 year gap between our youngest the foster kids…then it pushes our kids to sacrifice a bit, but doesn’t interfere with their lives so much that it causes damage. sadly we did that to them last year, & don’t want to do it again)

• 1 child at a time. I’d love to say 2, but we’re going to ease back into this.  We REALLY want this to be a ministry that we love & that is effective.  Our vision is keeping our home as normal as possible (I know, I wouldn’t exactly define us as normal…but anyways) & just welcome babies in for however long they need to be with us.

So that’s our update!  I’m sure I’ll post whenever we get a placement (even though there will be no details). Can’t believe this’ll be #10!!! wow!!

Jayla December 9, 2009

We have the wonderful privilege of keeping on contact with our second placement.  She came late last September & was with us for almost 2 months.  Her adoptive mom has given me permission to put her picture up here, so I’m so excited to share it with you!

Her birthmom went into the hospital with abdominal pain & found out she was in labor! She obviously was not expecting this baby, so she called Christian Homes & put her up for adoption.  They called us & brought her straight from the hospital to our home while they found an adoptive family for her.  Her legal name was “baby girl”.  Our agency suggested we pick a name to call her as they had no clue how long she’d be with us.  I did a bit of searching & settled on Jayla.  I found that it meant “One who is special.”  I wanted her to have a special name, wanted her to know how very special & wanted she was & is, even though she wasn’t planned. (by her birthmom, but we Know that God planned her!)  Here she is the first day or so that we had her. She weighed 5 lbs

& Here she is now, at 14 months old (with her grandma)

I am forever grateful to her adoptive family for keeping in contact with us. She was the hardest to say goodbye to. Even though she had one of the best families adopting her!!!

Thank you Benners for allowing me to share these pictures with my friends!

A Sabbatical of Sorts December 8, 2009

Long time no see, I know.  Life has just now slowed down to a manageable pace. I have so many blogs for you written in my head!  The words just seem to come at a time when I can’t get to the computer!  But I have a moment now, so I’ll fill you in a bit on where we are in our fostering adventure.

We’re taking a sabbatical, of sorts. I looked up Sabbatical on Wikipedia & here was a line from their definition: “In recent times, “sabbatical” has come to mean any extended absence in the career of an individual in order to achieve something.” Although fostering is not our career in any sense, let’s exchange that word for the word ministry.  & what is my goal to achieve?  Well, many things, but mainly just getting my priorities back in order.

Our 9th foster placement left on the 25th.  We had let our lives get so busy that I was overwhelmed & stressed out!  So I made a promise to Robbie to take at least 1 full month off.  I feel like I’m admitting defeat or that I’m letting my family/my foster agency/all those babies needing a home down.  BUT…I’m learning to not base my feeling of value on what others think of me.  & I’m not letting my family down or anyone else.  Actually, it’s quite the opposite!  After a refresher break of getting my house back in order, spending time w/ my 2 kids, getting back to the gym & most importantly getting back into God’s Word..I will be more useful to all those around me.  I’m really stepping back & learning things about myself right now.  Like that I have a low tolerance for busyness.  In high school I thrived on being busy….the busier the better!  so the opposite now!!! The week of Thanksgiving my kids had the H1N1, so we were literally stuck at home for 6 days.  & it was so wonderful!  When I look at my calendar & it has markings on every day….my stress level goes way up!  Then I get short with my kids.  You know that saying, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy…” SO true!! & in no way do I mean that my family should walk on eggshells around me, but that I need to put up healthy boundaries so I can best take care of what God has entrusted to me!

So, I had last week to finish up some things, this week & next are almost completely empty…So I hope to get all those nooks & cranny’s cleaned out, fans, windows, you know all those things that I stare at every day but can’t get to? Well I hope to get to them in the next 2 weeks. Then we head to SC for a week for Christmas w/ my husband’s family. & When we get back, it’ll have been a month. Then we’ll re-evaluate things & see if we’re ready to go back on the list yet!  I sure hope we are.  Each time I see a baby I so want one!  But then I KNOW that this is such a crucial time for me to rest & recover that I’m actually not rushing it!

Well, that was worded much better the last few times I wrote that in my head….but at least hopefully I caught ya’ll up on where we are.

During this break I’m doing Beth Moore’s “Stepping Up..a journey through the Psalms of the Ascent” & it’s so great! Also, today I did step aerobics….yay!!!!!

Life Ministry October 22, 2009

Robbie & I went to my parents Sunday School class this week.  One of our pastors talked about his trip to India recently.  There is a man wife there who God has led to start a school. (it’s a private school that locals pay to send their kids to & it’s also where Compassion International kids go for 2 meals a day, & school!)  They also train new & old pastors…w/ an amazing goal to have something like 100 new churches by 2010.  He also has started a clothing company that employs many men who wouldn’t have a job otherwise.

BB (pastor) was listing off how faithful this man & his wife have been with the little $ our church has sent them.  He gave a list of $monetary things we could provide for them; It’s so obvious that sending a small amount of $ can go so far overseas!  But one of hte main thigns that stood out to me was his story of a 3 year old begging on the side of the road.

In the car our discussion went something like this:

R: I’d like us to give some of our missions $ to help out.

ML:  Me too!!  I love when we are given an exact amount that will go for a specific item & knowing how far it will go!  Like World vision, they send out a yearly catalog where you can buy a goat or something to a specific village or family.  But man, it really made me want to adopt internationally.  To provide a different life for a child who won’t have such a good life.

R But that massive amount of $ that we’d have to pay for the Int’l adoption could be sent to people in the country & go so much farther, helping so many more kids than just 1!

ML I KNOW that mentally, but I FELL like what we’re doing (fostering) just isn’t enough.  We’re still living a fairly easy life.

R Well, God wired you to take care of babies, that’s how you minister, so sending $ of course doesn’t feel like ministry to you.

Later that afternoon/early evening I actually went outside to be with the kids. It was such a nice afternoon. The kids on their own initiated going outside! So the 4 kids & I were in the back & in between cleaning up the yard & playing ball with my son, I noticed something…..

MINISTRY!

Our daughter was playing with one foster, another was in the pack’n play watching my son & I play ball.  They, who have not had stable families, were getting to experience a loving family, &  my kids are getting to be a part of that!  Only God knows what impact that will have on them- my kids & the fosters-as they grow up.  I PRAY God uses it in a beneficial way in their lives!

Once in awhile I watch Oprah, & one day I saw the singer Seal on there, & he was apparently in a foster home when he was 4 or 5.  He remembers it with great fondness, but he got separated from them…then Oprah brings them out!  Oh the tears!! even though he was so young & wasn’t with them for long, it had a significant impact on his life.  That is my, our, prayer.

So we’ll continue our adventure here in our home, & will send some of our missions $ overseas, so it may be multiplied!

PS….International adoption is AMAZING!!! & such a necessity & amazing gift to the families & the kids!  Please know we are so grateful & happy for those of you who have gotten to do that! It’s just clear that God has not called us to do that.  Although sometimes I wish He would!

I’m guilty! October 21, 2009

I am feeling quite guilty right now of what in another post I warned against…..judging the birth parents.

I’ve been asked by the parents, thru case workers, to only use certain products for their child..& to not give them certain foods bc they don’t like them…& one of the other parents was SOOO worried when she heard her child was sick. “I just knew the next time I’d see ____ was at a funeral home”!

Without saying too much…..#8 was sick last week. Had what my little girl had & apparently MANY other people. just a cough & fever. nothing else. acting fine.  I emailed the case worker just so they had a heads up, & the case worker decided to cancel the visit. not me.  *sigh*

I feel like saying “HELLO….you OBVIOUSLY did NOT take proper care of your child….so how dare you tell me what’s best for them!?”…& by the way,to the first parent, ____ does like that kind of food! & second parent, all kids get sick! esp if they go to school, or church, or walmart! it happens & I do the best I can to properly, lovingly take care of all kids in my home! we run a normal(ish) family & welcome kids into our home…we’re not a big group home, I’m a stay at home mom who really does want the best for your child. so BACK OFF!!

Ok, now breath Mary Lynne, calm down.  If my kids were in foster care….man, I’d be a mess. I’d have sent everything they own with them, I’d call the case worker every day. I’d be at visits 15 min early & would fly thru whatever process I had to.  Give them a break. Pray for them. These parents do love their children, probably even more so when they’re not able to be with them very often.

So birth parents of the foster kids I have, I’m so sorry for judging you.  You are a person, created by God for His purpose.  He loves you & knows you more than I ever can.  I trust HIM completely & I know everything is in His hand, under His control.  I pray He intervenes in your life in a MIGHTY way that only He can!  The world will know we are Christians by our love…& I want to love you.  So I will treat you like I would any other parent I know whose child I’m around/babysit/have in the nursery.  & Please know I am a foster parent to be a blessing in your child’s life & therefor in yours.

On a more personal note… August 27, 2009

We’ve had some direction changes with our fostering since we started.  (I think I mentioned that in a different post? anyways… )

When we first started, the goal was adoption.  I wasn’t sure how long I could handle fostering, I wanted to adopt, to “finish” our family.  After the 2nd foster placement I had such a hard time saying goodbye (even though it was a great situation) that we asked for only kids who would most likely be adoptable.  Then our 3rd came, & although that placement probably will end in adoption….it wasn’t going to be with us.  There was another family who was the best fit, so after a month with us, we said goodbye & moved onto placement #4.  This one I didn’t get too attached to, & after a month we said goodbye again.  (this was another great situation)

We realized that no matter how perfect the situation might seem, you never know if a child is going to end up being adoptable or not. Birth parents who don’t seem like they’re going to try to work their plan end up trying hard & getting their child back.  Birth parents who seem like they’ll try hard, don’t.  Sometimes relatives, godparents, or family friends end up with the kids to keep them out of the foster system.  & although I don’t like the label that a child being in foster care is a bad place….it really does seem Biblical & right  for us to take care of our friends & family.  So….after prayer & God changing my heart we told our case worker to just send us whatever placements she got for us.  We even upped our number to 3 kids!  That got us a call rather quickly. Placement #5, 6, & 7 stayed with us for a little over 3 months.

When we tell people our story, I always say we are fostering to adopt.  For the last year Robbie’s just been telling people we are fostering.  (He takes things one tiny step at a time. I tend to dive into things.) But I think now we are finally on the same page.  After 15 months of fostering we have really grown to love being foster parents.  & we’ll be a little sad when it’s over.  If we ever stop.  Or maybe we’ll adopt here in a few years, whenever God places those right kids in our home, then when they’re all grown up we’ll foster again.    Robbie loves leaving for work being a dad of 2 kids & coming home to 3 or 4 kids!  I feel like I’m always on call. I keep my cell phone with me wherever I go.  Every time the phone rings I wonder if it’s a new placement!  With some of our placements they have come in such need of love & care.  It is completely amazing how quickly they change & grow with a little care.  & Being a part of that is an experience that is life changing.

I went to a women’s event at our church recently.  The speaker was our previous pastor’s wife, shew flew in all the way from Colorado to be back with us in East Texas.  She challenged us to get off our bench.  To get out of that area that is so comfortable to us, & do something, for others.  Although people have told us we are off our bench & we get told things like “it’s so amazing what you’re doing”…..I don’t feel like I”m off my bench.  Doing this seems natural.  So what does that mean?  & sometimes I “feel” that I’m off my bench more by fostering that by adopting.  But is that a truth? I don’t believe so, sometimes it just feels like it.

Back when we were trying to decide on just taking “adoptable” cases or not, we had a meeting with Leisa, our case worker for Christian Homes.  The main topic of the meeting was about the adoption staffings that the DFPS has each month.  Case workers get files of kids who are up for adoption or who are about to be, &  files of potential adoptive parents.  We started thinking maybe this would be our way in…..but we always had this thought….our goal is not to “fight” other potential parents for kids.  We want the unwanted.  So why would we do the staffings?  But Leisa told us we’d be fighting for the best for the kids.  But that just never settled with us.

So where are we now? We have placement #8, & We’re waiting.  I’ve gotten used to waiting.  hahaha….do we ever really get used to waiting? let me rephrase…I am more used to waiting & now sort of know what to do in the waiting period!  While watching the movie Fireproof I heard the song the Waiting by John Waller.  wow.   “While I’m waiting, I will serve You, While I’m waiting, I worship, While I”m waiting, I will not faint, I’ll be running the race….even while I wait.”

We’ve decided to drop our age back down to keep our youngest & the oldest foster 4 years apart.  I mentioned that in an earlier post, as when it was suggested to us by someone older & wiser than us we slightly blew it off.  But our kids are old enough now that when we get a placement that is close to their age, it’s like having a live in, forced best friend.  & often not with the greatest manners/friend skills!  We want our kids to be pushed, challenged, but not embittered.  Honestly I do best with the itty bitty’s anyways.  give me a set of newborn twins & I’d be in hog heaven!! Well, except that I have the crib torn apart to repaint it.  After 6 kids using it, (7 if you include me!) it is in need of a fresh coat of paint!

Ok, I’ll go for now. While waiting I really try to stay on top of things around the house, bc when we get a call…everything kind of goes on hold for a few weeks while we all settle in.  Wait Well!!!