Our Fostering Adventure

Meet the parents update

rmljones — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 03:19:33 +0000

I met the babies parents after their visit today. Almost didn’t do it. Soon as the CW aide took kids back to them she came right back bc they wanted to know what caused a small scratch toddler has. Then she came right back bc they wanted to know about another boo-boo. Real CW walked in the door right then & told me that they griped LOTS about the foster mom of their sibling. Enough that just passing on their concerns made her cry!! CW was great & took my side. She said all parents do this. They look over their child like crazy & overly critique. She told me to not worry about it or let it bug me. & I know I shouldnt, but man it just gets under my skin!! Being criticized & questioned on my parenting skills by someone who had their children removed is not fun. I hope that some point it won’t bug me. One day!!

Anyways….so I prayed about it & still felt like I needed to let them meet me & see me, face to face. It was a simple hand shake, “hi, I’m Mary.” the dad was kind. Smiled & looked right in my eyes. Mom said hi & her name but wouldn’t really look at me. They walked babies & me to the back door & said goodbye. Grandpa was there. He was kind too. Toddler did not want to leave him. I wish they could have seen that 30 sec later he was happy & fine with us. Hoping that maybe them see me face to face will give them more comfort & they won’t be so over critical. Big sibling have me a hug in front of them too, so that was nice.

As I drove off I didn’t know what to think or feel. Of course my over active imagination went all places. So I tried to just pray. A song about how all our hopes are in the Lord came on. That was definitely what my heart was saying. All my hopes in meeting them are in Him! That He would use this small thing to intervene in their lives.

I & 2 Thessalonians both have verses of prayer asking the Lord to give purpose to & fulfill the things we do in faith. That’s my prayer!

Big sibling’s coming over again this weekend; if we cross your mind please pray for our time together. Maybe even that we would have time to talk about spiritual things. That our conversations would be full of grace. That the interactions with our kids would go better than last time. & that my kids would be gracious & yet firm, but kind, when they need to. Thanks!

Meeting the parents

rmljones — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 04:33:15 +0000

I’ve decided to meet our new little one’s parents.

I think.

I mean, I still have to talk to the caseworker, but I think she’ll be all for it.

so there’s several reasons for this..

Possibly quicker pickup after visits. They had a visit yesterday. I got there right on time to pick them up, but it was 10 min before the cw even came to the back door, then asked if I wanted to meet them. not because they want to meet me, but just because it helps her get the kids out faster. (yesterday I said no) 20 min after the visit was supposed to be over before I finally drove out of the office driveway. So a big part of this is selfish. I want to get in there right when the visit is over, & get out to the van & head out.
Part of the reason I generally don’t meet the parents is because I want to be able to hold a grudge against them. to think badly of them. Isn’t that horrible!! It makes me sick when I actually admit that to myself. When I do meet parents I realize these are real people. people really hurting. messed up. lost. without good support. who don’t know how to change or what a good life even looks like. (I’m over-generalizing here, but have yet to meet a birth parent who has gotten their act really together & has gone beyond just stopping the dangerous behavior that got their child removed & radically changed their life.) Why do I like that yucky feeling? When I do what’s right, & pray for them (or meet them) I feel more in-line with Christ.
BSF. (Bible Study Fellowship).This past week was on 1 Thessalonians. Wowzers. I’ve read it a lot, but this time it really got to me. It talks about what a life that pleases the Lord looks like. so #1)I made some changes to what TV shows I watch (4:3 Abstain from sexual immorality= no more old episodes of Friends. & no more Big Bang Theory for me) & #2)I have a deeper desire to love the unlovely. the book doesn’t directly talk about that, but look at the Thessalonians, they were major idol worshipers. but they turned to worship the one true God & they did it well!! People can change when the true & living God moves in their life. & He often does that through other people. But I have to meet these people to be in their lives. I want to love these children, & their families in the Way God would have me to. Check out the way Paul felt about the Thessalonians…& why/how Paul’s ministry was so effective there 1 Thess 2:1-12
Having their oldest daughter over…since she’s been coming over I feel like she might at least be telling them about us. the babies & toddlers we have had can’t do that. but she can. she can tell them how we interact with them, what our home is like, & what we’re like. so why not meet them. I would think it’d give them more peace knowing what the family who has their children is like.

So I need to meet these parents. Not every parent of every foster baby we have. because some aren’t safe.

It may sound like such a silly thing to make a whole post of, or to even put much thought in. but for me it’s God softening my heart & calling me to obey. & this is way outside of what I thought we’d be doing when we signed up to foster! we got into it to adopt. then realized we love fostering. & now caring for the parents? WHAT??!! what does God have next!

Obedience is costly, but has great rewards. (BSF)

for me the cost is my comfort: keeping distance. just dipping my toes in the water. & I may never dive in deep with this family, but I’m walking out into the water now. we shall see what happens. the rewards will hopefully be eternal. even if I dont know what they are until I see Him face to face. Eternal rewards

(OK, now I’m thinking of Aladdin where Jafar says that to him at the cave of wonders “giving you your reward..your eternal reward….[evil guy laugh]“….time to sign off for the night)

Adoption Date!!!

rmljones — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:55:49 +0000

we finally have a for real, on the schedules adoption court date!!

Jan 31st we will sign the adoption placement papers, then Feb 6th at 9:00 am we will go to court for the adoption consummation(I feel weird using that word, but that’s what the case workers & lawyers used, so there ya go)

It’s so exciting to know this is for real going to happen & that it’s going to happen SOON!!

#15 & #16 have been with us for over a month now. it’s going really well. we had a couple weeks of adjusting, esp with the toddler. but now we’re rolling & grooving as a family of 7. Baby is one of the easiest we’ve ever had. So fortunate!

I couldn’t do it all without help from my mom. When we got into fostering I didn’t realize how much we were pulling those around us into fostering too. My mom helps pick up kids from school, watch kids while I take babies to dr, goes with me on errands. She’s a GEM & I am so blessed to have her as my mom.MOM-I don’t say it near enough, nor could I ever adequately say how much you & dad mean to us. Thank you for all your support while we embark on this adventure. I love you so very much!!

The babies big sis spent Christmas weekend & this past weekend with us. Overall it goes really well when she’s here. She’ll spend a bit of time with the little ones, then pass them off to me & go play with my big kids. I didn’t expect her to be so happy for us to be watching her little siblings.

It still makes me sad that they have to be apart. It’s a long ways down the road, but I think that when our kids are off to college I’d like to foster babies that have older siblings. Most families like us that take babies don’t take older kids, & vice versa. I’d sure love to provide a home for kids to get to stay together. But before we foster older kids we’ll have to have some type of counseling training. When she’s over I’m constantly checking everything I say. should I ask about her parents? or ignore the whole fostering issue? I try to just act like she’s one of the kids friends over to play. Anyone with tips/advice on that I’d LOVE to have it!! these poor kids need some counseling. they need a safe shoulder to process all the things that are going on. at the same time they’re too young to comprehend what’s really going on. Heck, I don’t even understand it all!

Hoping to have her over again in a couple of weekends. If you think of us, please pray for my kids, esp our daughter while she’s over. While we love that our kids are getting to be involved in this ministry with us, & are learning how to treat people who are quite different from us, we sure don’t want to push them too far where a bitter root has soil to grow.

#15 & #16

rmljones — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 03:44:59 +0000

2 weeks ago we got out 15th & 16th foster kiddos. they are siblings & have an older sister who is in a different foster home. sad. things are going really well! the toddler had a hard time the first week and a half. he wanted to be held almost all the time or was crying. but as of today he’s happier & playing by himself! the baby is a really chill baby. & so little! their 14 day hearing was yesterday & looks like they’ll be with us for awhile. next hearing is in February.

Our big kiddos are really enjoying having more babies around. last time we had 5 kids it was a mess! we were run down every night. this time around is so much better!! there’s several reasons for that…our kids are older & are in school most of the day, we went from 3 to 5 instead of 2 to 5 kids. & these kids are younger & so much easier than our other sibling group.

I am heartbroken for the kids older sibling. Today I got to meet her & her foster mom. She’s going to spend Christmas weekend with us & I’m so excited! Too often I feel like fostering is more about me enjoying having babies around than us doing real ministry. so this is our tiny step into doing something much more about the kids than about us.

Our wonderful new-to-us 8 passenger Sienna has come in VERY handy! we’ve already maxed it out a few times.

On the adoption for #10…we’re getting closer! today we signed some subsidy papers, we’re signing the adoption placement papers on the 29th, then the court hearing will be sometime in early-mid January. Exciting!

10 weeks

rmljones — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 21:07:59 +0000

It’s been over 10 weeks since we found out #14 was leaving & we told our caseworker to start looking for another placement for us.

Until this week we got ZERO calls. I’ve been waiting to post about this as we have 2 friends who waited a LOT longer than us. they’ve both gotten sweet little girls within the last week, so I don’t feel so bad talking about how long we’ve been waiting. The Lord has given me amazing peace & patience. I felt Him telling me it was going to be awhile, so haven’t felt overly anxious. But let me tell you this week has been a whole different story. I am beyond bored. I’ve never stayed so on top of dishes & laundry. I know I could add things to my schedule to make myself not so bored, but as soon as I did that we’d get another placement & I’d have to either back out on people, or live like a crazy woman for awhile. So I’ve chosen to live simply right now, with huge margins available for whenever we get a placement. After about 2 weeks of waiting we even told our case worker we’d take siblings (2 kids) or a single child. & a few weeks later we said we’d go a little older on our age than we initially said. NOTHING.

Monday my CH cw called & asked if I wanted a newborn girl!!! My heart got all excited. But as I started speed picking up the house I felt like I wasn’t supposed to get baby stuff out of the attic yet. 1 hr later she called back that they found a relative placement.

Tuesday we said yes to a sibling placement, but they were waiting to hear if the judge approved the placement or not. didn’t hear anything until the next morning we learned they found a foster family a little closer to where the kids were from.

On the positive side I’m glad for both outcomes, as it’s better for the kids & workers. Also this way we don’t have a child for a few weeks or month then they move them to a relative. But all of a sudden it’s like 10 weeks of emotions welled up. I had several teary days & nights. The tears really surprised me as I thought I was ok about it all. But the boogers just kept coming. Even at my Bible Study when I got a text from a friend saying she’d heard about the possible sibling group & what happened? I guess 2 no-go’s in a row & a tad bit of jealousy were what did it.

I’m not sure if all the babies are safe right now, or if CPS is just too understaffed right now to catch the little ones who need to be in foster care. So I just pray that God will open workers eyes to see the babies who need to be in foster homes, specifically our home. Today would be a fantastic day for a placement. That would be the best birthday gift!! 2 hours left in the official work day…so it’s still a possibility?!! Not holding my breath.

Coffee confession

rmljones — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 03:09:18 +0000

I don’t like coffee.

I really wish I did! At several times in the last few years I’ve tried hard to like it. But I never do. Boo.

Iced frappuccinos though, are pretty stink’n good! So on our way to Dallas today Robbie & I stopped at Starbucks to potty & grab a drink. Problem? We don’t know how to order at Starbucks!!!
So I asked the lady at the counter what I should get since I don’t like coffee. She was confused; it was her first day. Bring in lady #2 who looked at me confused that I’d be at Starbucks since I don’t like coffee. But I did end up with an iced pumpkin frappuccino (I think?) & it was pretty good!! Meant to take a picture of R & I with our drinks in the camp suburban, but forgot oh well. I’m sure most of you know what a pumpkin iced frap looks like because you actually know what you are doing at Starbucks! Fun times. Yummy drink. Mega WW points. Worth it.

Yep, I just posted about a DRINK!! Why? Because things are pretty boring around here. We’ve been open to another placement for 8 weeks now, & not a peep. It’s really not long compared to a few friends who have been waiting 6 & 3 months. I just keep reminding myself that we are in this to be a ministry, not for me. Thankfully God has given me a peaceful heart during our wait. Thankful that right now no little ones need a safe home, & at the same time praying that if there are some little ones in unsafe environments The truth will be made known so they can be moved to a loving environment.

So during this time of quiet I’m attempting to stay on top of things around the house & slowing knocking out that to do list! Ya know, all those projects that linger. Well, now I have time to work on them!

Later gators!

Spray Paint=new life to old toys

rmljones — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 03:09:23 +0000

Linking up with Mandy at Biblical Homemaking

We have a few things that were my little cousin’s when he was a toddler. (He’s now 15) My aunt & uncle gave us his cozy coupe. (Here’s a picture of it 2.5 yrs ago with these sweet kiddos I babysat)

It still works great, but the red & yellow have been really bugging me. I’d been too cheap to spend the $10 or so to paint it. BUT: Hopefully we will be fostering for many more years….so I should paint it what I want it to look like! I mean, endless days looking at it, $10 isn’t that much, especially since it was free!

so with some Krylon spray paint for plastic it now looks like this:

ahh….so much cooler on the eyes! LOVE!

Although it’s not the cheapest spray paint around, I love the spray paint made for plastic!! I’ve used the Krylon & Rustoleum brands.Think I like the Krylon better. it goes on smoother & dries well. The blue has started chipping just a bit, mainly right around the door of the car where it opens and closes. But overall it’s so much better I don’t mind the little paint chips/scratches! Rustoleum was ok. it frequently came out in drips. & took almost a week of drying for it to be chip resistant. Here’s what I painted using the Rustoleum paint(just the “after” pic. forgot to take a “before” pic:

(I took the pic with my iPod, so it’s not the greatest)

I sure wish I had this for the crazy hot summer we had! But I was waiting for the CCC (Children’s Clothing Consignment) Sale to find one for cheap. It was $20! + $35 in spray paint=$55. may sound like a lot, but I saw one on craigslist for $75, & it was sun-faded original primary colors.

The only drawback to spray paint was that my fingertip was dark brown for over a week & numb from spraying so long! Wish I had bought one of those handles for spray cans!

Adoption update

rmljones — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 02:50:07 +0000

Wanted to update y’all on #10′s adoption. It’s looking like it will be scheduled for early December. Yep, over 2 months away. But we’re ok with that. There’s some paperwork that needs to be completed & he needs to have a well check with the pediatrician.
Since we know that he’s not going anywhere, it’s ok! Nothing to worry over. Just waiting it out

Another Chapter Closed. Goodbye to foster #14

rmljones — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 04:48:59 +0000

Today we said goodbye to foster baby #14. Thank you to all who have prayed for me/us today. I’m actually doing really well. We’ve known this was a good possibility for a long time. It’s just been a LONG, SLOW, wait for the final word from the judge. #14 is moving to a kinship placement. Some relative who hasn’t been directly involved with the family for awhile. They’ve been thoroughly checked out & no one found anything wrong with them, so legally they had to present the family to the judge as a good placement. Court was Thursday morning; CW called me that evening to tell me the official decision & that she’d come by Saturday (today) to get him & his things. I made sure everything was packed, then headed to the gym. I just couldn’t be here to hand him over. So I let my husband do it. HA! But seriously, he agreed that was the best option. I just can’t be emotional about it. Yes, I’ve had some tears, & if I really let myself mope I would be very sad. But we’re foster parents. This is what we signed up for. & God has been preparing me for this since we got the call that we were getting the baby, before they even brought him to our home. Although we would have adopted him had it become an option for us, I always had this feeling in my heart that he wasn’t the one. I feel kind of like an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” when I say that. As if I’m not committing to him because there might be a better child for us out there. But it’s really not just feelings….it’s a guiding of my heart from the Lord. I truly believe that. I’m not even sure it’ll be the next placement we get, but at some point I believe He has a child that needs us & we need. & I’m excited for that one! So I can’t be sad!! #14 has gone to a family that wants him, forever! We have always said we want the kids others don’t want. So this is taking us down the path we have always felt we were meant to go. Therefore I just CANT CANT focus on being sad!

I’ve kept pretty busy today. that’s helped a lot. went to the gym; met T-Rizzle (#12) & his mom, picked up the big kids & swam at the gym pool, then went shopping with my mom. She sweetly took me out & bought me lunch, a new purse, & got my eyebrows threaded….talk about tears! HA!! then tonight went shopping with my friend Jerri for our big freezer meal cooking day. & of course, it’s Saturday, so I’ve had football on as much as possibly. Currently I’m catching up on the OU/Mizzou game that I DVR’d earlier.

Anyways.
We’re a chapter in the book of their life. I can’t worry of focus on the rest of their book or I’d go nuts. I HAVE to focus on their chapter with us-making it the best I can to hopefully make their future chapters brighter. But even if they aren’t-I stand before God-for His approval, not mans.

If I did focus on the rest of their life I’d get stomach ulcers. These thoughts do go through my mind, but I have to let them go. “Are they being fed right? Are they on a good schedule? Healthy? up to date on shots? are they physically developing & being played with & helped to grow? Are they going to the dentist & their teeth being taken care of? Mostly, Are they being taught to love the Lord with all their heart?” I even get upset when I think about the other family enjoying him. Getting to see his smiles & coos. Getting to feed him bottles. So when I start thinking that, I have to let go. HAVE TO!

I HAVE to let them go. Pray over them & close the chapter.

Trust Him. Trust the people who have made the choices to move them from our home. And remember that if it was my kids, I’d want the same treatment…for relatives to be put first.

Now ready for the phone to ring for #15 !!!! When we found out #14 was most likely leaving (2.5 weeks ago) I told my case worker to start looking for another placement for us. I’ll find myself praying “God! Please please send me a baby soon! & maybe even a black baby girl!!” Then I hear his tender voice saying “Really? Do you want what you want or what I have for you.” SIGH. “You’re right Lord. I want what YOU want. whenever, & whoever that may be.” I will wait patiently. & enjoy this time with only 3 kids. Maybe tackle some of those lingering projects!

God is Good…ALL the time. & HE is in control!

Miscommunication

rmljones — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 17:54:40 +0000

Ok, quick update. The case worker came over yesterday. The lawyer had court date wrong. It’s not today. They’re trying to get it on the docket (court schedule) for the 22nd, so 2 weeks. Legally the kinship placement has to be presented to the judge as a placement, but it is up to her what she decides.
Both the lawyer & CW said that this isn’t what they would personally choose for #14, which I really appreciate. I still expect the judge to choose the kinship placement, & I’m really ok with it. I do wish court was today instead of having to wait 2 more weeks for the inevitable. But we’ll just enjoy & be thankful for extra time with him!