Friday, February 5th we started our 10th adventure!! The weeks prior I was trying to be patient, trusting God’s timing completely, just working on getting my emotions to line up with my beliefs/thoughts (I feel like I struggle with that too much!! Anyone else?) . We had set our new boundaries to 1 child, or 2 siblings (not 2 from different families as that means 2 trips for visits w/ their family, 2 case workers, 2 dr visits….etc) & we said 0-24 months. Although we were fine w/ a 23 month old, I really longed for a little, itty bitty one. I felt like if we got a 23 month old I’d be a little sad. But I trusted God so much to bring us what was best for us & for the child! Let me tell you this placement is amazing. God answered just amazingly!! Perfect age, size, etc.
But the flip side of that is that I was instantly attached. I’ve never really felt quite like this. The word adoption has come up a few times (nothing direct, no termination plans/goals yet) so my heart is just a mess. I’m so nervous. I don’t want to do parent visits, & I find myself praying that if they’re gonna mess up they’ll do it right away & we’ll know if this is going to be permanent or not. It’s strange feeling like this. Honestly, I’m not very fond of it. L My mind & beliefs tell me that God will not give me anything that He won’t help me handle, but my emotions just make me nervous.