My “hand-slapping” part 1

If you’re friends with me on Facebook you know that last week I got my first fostering “hand-slap”. There’s SOOOO many emotions & thoughts that have gone through my head since then, that I hope this post makes sense! Part 1 will be more the facts. Part 2 my emotional & spiritual journey through this seemingly small event.

  1. What happened: Thursday CPS CW came for her monthly visit. She asked me a bit about #14’s clothes & was I using the ones that were sent. Bio mom was concerned about that. I said I did use them, especially on visit days. My C.H. CW showed up (wasn’t expecting her) at the same time. We all chatted a few minutes then CPS worker left.  CH worker said she had something serious to talk to me about. I was nervous. So the bio mom has sent TONS of clothes for #14. & keeps sending more. There are 2 ladies who supervise the weekly visits mom & #14 have. One of the times that one of them brought #14 out to me after a visit she also brought more clothes & I rolled my eyes. I vaguely remember it. I do have a bad habit of eye rolling. Really should’ve listened to my mom & broken that habit years ago. So…the aide told the CPS CW, She told her supervisor & the supervisor called Christian Homes to tattle on me. She also said that I was being rude about all the clothes & had sent them all back to mom with all the tags still on. *SIGH* I was borderline tears at this point. CH-CW told me to be kinder, to not send clothes back & to just let this go. I was on the verge of tears. There was some wrong info there, but in regards to the eye rolling, it is immature & I really need to stop. If it were just this little thing I would’ve tried to let it go harder. But A) it was the most emotional day of the month for me (sorry, TMI). B) The aides & CW have always been so nice to me! & even complained about how mom behaves in visits sometimes. So I feel way betrayed!  C) of all the things to gripe about, as if they aren’t busy enough, really??!! D) Constantly being scrutinized can sure get hard. especially since I’m doing it to myself enough!
  2. So I cried. Vented to Robbie. Cried some more. Prayed on & off in there. Calmed down enough to write an unemotional apology note to CH-CW, CPS CW, & CPS supervisor. I apologized for the eye rolling & cleared up a few things about all the clothes. Mainly that the clothes I sent back were outgrown clothes & that there were so many that there was no way they all could have been used,which is why there were still so many tags on. #10’s parents specifically asked for outgrown clothes back, so I just automatically did that with #14. It was by no means intended to be rude! CPS CW did write back that she appreciated the email. & how there was a miscommunication about the clothes. Everyone thought they were ALL the clothes & that I never used any of them. *MAJOR SIGH*

SERIOUSLY….it’s clothes!! I guess in part I’m being as immature as bio mom about it all. My eye rolling proved that. Yuck. So next I’ll write more about how I’ve been dealing with this emotionally & spiritually. It really seems like such a small thing. I should just apologize & move on, but there’s so much more that all this means to me that I’ve had to process. & I had to do that before I started blogging or I could get in lots more trouble! 😉

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