fostering theme: WAITING

#10-

adoption is rolling along. we & our agency have turned in the paperwork asked for. I believe CPS is waiting for one more set of paperwork or paper, then all will be sent to our lawyer. She will review it & set a court date. I believe we do have to meet with CPS’ negotiator about subsidies, but from what I’ve heard our little guy is not eligible since he is not 2 yet. William Shatner & the Priceline commercial theme song just went through my head!ha So we are just waiting. that is the theme of fostering. Full blown toddlerhood has hit. so our home is full of funny giggles, chairs pushed around, cars everywhere, table climbing & lots of fits.

#14-

massive waiting. massive trust in the God who holds the whole world in His hands, who knows what is best for us & for him, who knows the future, who can see through every heart. There was a homestudy ordered on some relatives. It is now completed which in CPS lingo is “approved”.

(Approved does not = recommended. it just means finished. or that’s what I’m gathering. there really should be a CPS/fostering for dummies cliff notes book. if I ever figure this whole system out I’ll make one & post it on here. But 3 years in now & I still get shocked by things. & confused.)

His attorney ad lit em is a wonderful lady who was recently a judge. She has called me a few times this week. & my emotions & thoughts on his future with us have been on a roller coaster. I think I’m really ok either way. If adopting him became an option we would be thrilled. But if all these wise people believe that moving him to the relatives is the best option, that’s ok too. There will be some massive tears around here, mainly from me, but that’s ok. It’s this waiting that stinks. waiting for attorney to meet with the family. waiting for the judge to decide to do the move or not. I mean, we’re looking at probably 2-3 weeks of waiting.

I don’t really know what to say about how I feel. I trust the Lord is in control. & when I get on my knees & give it to Him, my heart rests & His peace overwhelms me. But my controlling side just wants to know all the details. What are they looking for in this family. why would they move him there? If it’s not super clear, why would they consider it? I’ve heard a lot of “we have a legal obligation” lately…blah blah blah… & actually I appreciate CPS & the lawyers & judges thoroughly considering all the best options from the get go. (although we’re now 4 months into the “get go”.) getting things done right from the beginning makes the end much easier. If everything’s been done legally right, then there’s nothing to appeal.

I guess what I want most, is for the attorney & case works to be open with me. not just what they’re legally responsible to do, but what they really see happening. I’m not sure if they don’t know, or if they don’t want to get my hopes up, or what. sometimes I feel like they don’t like me. which is stupid. i know. Both of them have told me how well he is doing in our family, & how seriously they are considering the move, that they are not taking it lightly. but what are they really thinking? are you thinking Control Freak!!! I’m working on it. for real. on my knees. trying to trust. trying to still be effective in the waiting & not a blob of emotional, selfishness waiting for everyone to do what I want.

That’s it.

on a lighter note, I picked a stroller!! As I kept trying to find the most economical one & one that seemed the smartest, I kept being drawn to the Phil & Teds stroller. Economically priced? um, no. But do I think I’ll be happy with this one forever? yes! & does it have a great resell value if it doesn’t work so well? YES! 2 friends have them & RAVE about theirs. one of them is like me & has been through lots of other strollers. But she said once she got her P&T she was done. Another good sign is there really aren’t many at all used ones for sale. I’ve seen like 3. on ebay, & craigslist in 4 major cities in our state. & one of the best things…it comes in Apple green!! like Granny apple green! yes! more highlighter colors for me!! Now to wait for it to come in the mail. Ha! More waiting

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