Today we said goodbye to foster baby #14. Thank you to all who have prayed for me/us today. I’m actually doing really well. We’ve known this was a good possibility for a long time. It’s just been a LONG, SLOW, wait for the final word from the judge. #14 is moving to a kinship placement. Some relative who hasn’t been directly involved with the family for awhile. They’ve been thoroughly checked out & no one found anything wrong with them, so legally they had to present the family to the judge as a good placement. Court was Thursday morning; CW called me that evening to tell me the official decision & that she’d come by Saturday (today) to get him & his things. I made sure everything was packed, then headed to the gym. I just couldn’t be here to hand him over. So I let my husband do it. HA! But seriously, he agreed that was the best option. I just can’t be emotional about it. Yes, I’ve had some tears, & if I really let myself mope I would be very sad. But we’re foster parents. This is what we signed up for. & God has been preparing me for this since we got the call that we were getting the baby, before they even brought him to our home. Although we would have adopted him had it become an option for us, I always had this feeling in my heart that he wasn’t the one. I feel kind of like an episode of “Say Yes to the Dress” when I say that. As if I’m not committing to him because there might be a better child for us out there. But it’s really not just feelings….it’s a guiding of my heart from the Lord. I truly believe that. I’m not even sure it’ll be the next placement we get, but at some point I believe He has a child that needs us & we need. & I’m excited for that one! So I can’t be sad!! #14 has gone to a family that wants him, forever! We have always said we want the kids others don’t want. So this is taking us down the path we have always felt we were meant to go. Therefore I just CANT CANT focus on being sad!
I’ve kept pretty busy today. that’s helped a lot. went to the gym; met T-Rizzle (#12) & his mom, picked up the big kids & swam at the gym pool, then went shopping with my mom. She sweetly took me out & bought me lunch, a new purse, & got my eyebrows threaded….talk about tears! HA!! then tonight went shopping with my friend Jerri for our big freezer meal cooking day. & of course, it’s Saturday, so I’ve had football on as much as possibly. Currently I’m catching up on the OU/Mizzou game that I DVR’d earlier.
We’re a chapter in the book of their life. I can’t worry of focus on the rest of their book or I’d go nuts. I HAVE to focus on their chapter with us-making it the best I can to hopefully make their future chapters brighter. But even if they aren’t-I stand before God-for His approval, not mans.
If I did focus on the rest of their life I’d get stomach ulcers. These thoughts do go through my mind, but I have to let them go. “Are they being fed right? Are they on a good schedule? Healthy? up to date on shots? are they physically developing & being played with & helped to grow? Are they going to the dentist & their teeth being taken care of? Mostly, Are they being taught to love the Lord with all their heart?” I even get upset when I think about the other family enjoying him. Getting to see his smiles & coos. Getting to feed him bottles. So when I start thinking that, I have to let go. HAVE TO!
I HAVE to let them go. Pray over them & close the chapter.
Trust Him. Trust the people who have made the choices to move them from our home. And remember that if it was my kids, I’d want the same treatment…for relatives to be put first.
Now ready for the phone to ring for #15 !!!! When we found out #14 was most likely leaving (2.5 weeks ago) I told my case worker to start looking for another placement for us. I’ll find myself praying “God! Please please send me a baby soon! & maybe even a black baby girl!!” Then I hear his tender voice saying “Really? Do you want what you want or what I have for you.” SIGH. “You’re right Lord. I want what YOU want. whenever, & whoever that may be.” I will wait patiently. & enjoy this time with only 3 kids. Maybe tackle some of those lingering projects!
God is Good…ALL the time. & HE is in control!